“One should not bring sympathy to a sick man. It is always kindly meant, and, of course it has to be taken–but it isn’t much of an improvement on castor oil. One who has a sick man’s true interest at heart will forbear spoken sympathy, and bring him surreptitious soup and fried oysters and other trifles that the doctor has tabooed.”
— Mark Twain

One left.

Nora had her second to last chemo treatment today! One left to go. Blood numbers were good but BP and pulse off. Which is why she is totally exhausted. “Ms. Energy 2012” has changed her title to “Ms. Give-me-a-second 2013.” Impossible to believe we’ve been doing this since February. We meet tomorrow with Nora’s PA, Stephanie, to discuss the fatigue.

Boyd Creek is still the best medicine. Since Nora’s immune system is still compromised, visits are limited and no crowds (stores, parties [ha ha], movies).

Paul’s office view, thanks to Nora

So the peace of our place continues to comfort Nora. As do our neighbors, our friends. How did we get so damn lucky?

I had a wonderful Father’s Day visit from daughter Sarah and beau Jeremy. I was served a big breakfast and received very funny cards, a magnificent Hawaiian shirt (I am prone to wear these), and was treated to 9 holes of golf at Sergeant Jasper CC. Daughter Sarah is getting quite good. Very proud of her.

Mastectomy scheduled for mid-July. When Nora heals from the operation, weeks of daily radiation follow on Hilton Head. Nora will be staying with Sarah and Jeremy. At least that’s the treatment schedule today. Tests in July will affect how we go forward.

Several (dozens?) of you have asked how I am doing. I’m fine. Had an extensive physical last Saturday and I passed with gliding colors. (I have been told that after 65 you “glide” rather than “fly.” I am not convinced.)

You have all be so wonderful, thoughtful, understanding. Thank you.

Paul

P.S. Please remember to pass the word along. Our $1 = $1.50 matching donor offer ends June 30. You have all been so generous and amazing. This, even more so. Spread the word. Tell all your Face Book/Twitter/Pinterest, etc. friends to visit Nora’s gofundme.com site. Just think. If ten of your friends donated $1, through the magic of matching funds it becomes $1.50! I’m just funning with you, but that’s sure better than the stock market.

EGRET

An egret rests a moment
on our dock unafraid.
What a wonder.
Just for us or rehearsal for
a bigger crowd who will
cheer at their luck?
Look, they will quietly applauded
(too much gratitude
will drive the bird away),

All I know before
it took flight it seemed
to ask us (they do not sing),
more in gesture than
voice, “Was that enough? I
can come tomorrow
to catch another fish.”

Dear family and friends,

Tomorrow is chemo day. Two more left after this. Then surgery. Then radiation for a few months.

I really, really hate cancer. Most recently, it took my little sister (she was younger AND little). If I’ve got it right, long ago, it also took my grandmother.

This past week Nora has been extra “puny” (her word). The chemo is taking its toll. She hates it and will let you know specifically just how she feels about that! Since the dogs and I are the only ones around to hear her declamations to the heavens, we feel her frustrations personally and attempt to encourage thoughts more positive than “Bomb everybody!”  (At certain times, I have learned what to do with my “encouragement,” and we both laugh.)

This episode in our lives is so amazing. “Strangers” comfort us, but then they are no longer strangers.

I will paraphrase my favorite writer (William Carlos Williams) from his poem, “Waiting.” This is what Nora would say …

What did I plan to say to him
when it should happen to me
as it has happened now?

Thank you for your love.

Paul

THE VISIT

An egret rests a moment
on our dock unafraid.
What a wonder. Just for us
or rehearsal for a bigger
crowd who will  cheer
at their luck? Look,
they will say and quietly
applauded  (too much gratitude
will drive the bird away),
“It primps on the oak branch
just to your left”
someone will say.

Fine. All I know before
it took flight is that it seemed
to ask us (they do not sing),
more in gesture than
voice, “Was that enough? I
can come tomorrow  to
catch another fish. Just
for you.”

608 Boyd Creek Drive

Dear family and friends,

Tomorrow is chemo day. Two more left after this. Then surgery. Then radiation for a few months.

I really, really hate cancer. Most recently, it took my little sister (she was younger AND little). If I’ve got it right, long ago, it also took my grandmother.

This past week Nora has been extra “puny” (her word). She hates it and let you know just how she feels about that! Since the dogs and I are the only ones around to hear her declamations to the heavens, we feel her frustrations personally and attempt to encourage.  (At certain times, I have learned what to do with my “encouragement,” and we both laugh.)

This episode in our lives is so amazing. “Strangers” comfort us, but then they are no longer strangers.

I will paraphrase my favorite writer (William Carlos Williams) from his poem, “Waiting.” This is what Nora would say …

What did I plan to say to him
when it should happen to me
as it has happened now?

Thank you for your love. . .

Paul

P. S. And thank everyone for their contribution to Nora’s medical expenses. We have been overwhelmed! Please spread the word to friends or friends of friends. The 50% matching funds donation ends June30. One buck equals $1.50. In SO MNAY REPSECTS I wish I didn’t have to do this. But once committed I have been so overwhelmed with the generosity of others, it truly reminds me of who we (everyone!) really are and how generous we are. Yes, you have amazed this typically cynical person.

Ran out of days. A busy time on the creek. Nora’s sister, Diane, paid us a wonderful visit last week. Now the front and back of the house are lined with flowers and herbs. (Note: We have yet to agree on where the front and back of the house is located. We may end up with a compromise, “road side” and creek side.”)

Tomorrow is chemo day. Nora has four left before surgery in July. The cumulative effect of Taxol causes her to feel extreme sensations of exhaustion and weakness, Joints and muscles ache. All this is “normal” during chemo treatments. Nora refers to all of the above as feeling “puny.” But laughter is still loudest here.

Last Thursday Nora and I celebrated my birthday together in a room that was beyond imagining, yet all the same a very welcome gift. It is a room filled with very good people. Regina, Nora’s new friend, was there with her cookies and pictures of her grandchildren from a recent trip. She related a snack-time story about one of the kids (three or four, I can’t remember) who said, “Hey mama, I’m ate a banana with my Nana from Savannah.” Like I said, very good people.

Daughter Sarah and Jeremy came out to “The Ridge” for the weekend. Saturday was 9 holes at Sergeant Jasper CC, another present. And to top it off, Jeremy mowed the lawn (we have a BIG lawn) Sunday (yet another present).

We discovered the gender of the armadillo who took up residence under our home. She had four identical pups. The number has fallen to one because we also discovered our dogs are not great fans of armadillo pups.

It is morning now. Nora is sleeping, an irregular event.

Thank you all for your cards, best wishes, calls and kind thoughts.

From the creek,

Paul

P.S. Please pass on the word about the matching contributions. The end of June will soon be upon us.

First Round: Nora.

The bad news: The PET scan showed that Nora had a sinus infection.

The good news: The PET scan showed no cancer, at least none the scan could “see.”  Nora wins the first round!

But because she was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer (TNBC), a very aggressive form, she’ll be going through the weekly chemo treatment (last one June 28), have a mastectomy, and have a full, daily round of radiation therapy. As her doctors keep reminding us, every case of TNBC is different, as different as the individual.

While I know this phenomenal result is from the chemicals Nora has had to endure all these months and the excellent medical care she has received, it is also because of the energy that comes from others, from simple good wishes to something more powerful, whether it be strong prayer or profound belief.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

And there is more good news

We will be seeing doctors and have procedures for quite some time. You have been beyond kind in helping us meet some of the expenses that entails. Now comes a very generous challenge.

An anonymous donor has offered to add a dollar for every two dollars given to Nora’s medical fund. But our goal of $30,000 must be met by June 30 (when the bills come due … really come due … wise donor). Family and friends and friends of friends and total strangers have already knocked that down by over $4000. That means, with the donor’s matching gift, we are about $17,000 from our goal.

That seems huge to me. However, “crowd funding” networks, like GoFundMe, are simply amazing.  This site is such a simple proof of human kindness.  But I’ll need your help.

If possible, I just need you to pass our links (www.gofundme.com/27fscs and/or www.noradevere.org ) with a kind word, to friends in your network, on Face Book, Twitter, wherever. But it has to happen by June 30 … or we just continue on.

LOVE EXPLAINED
Only the wind knows
the right speed
for a leaf.

Paul

Very hard to believe May is drawing to a close. I haven’t even finished April yet.

The good news is Nora didn’t need a blood infusion. The correct numbers were up Thursday. Small victories are good. But the waiting …

Busy week ahead. Tuesday another PET scan (to see if this stuff is working); Wednesday, a meeting with Nora’s oncology surgeon; Thursday, chemo; and Friday, a meeting with Nora’s PA to see if Nora can reduce/eliminate her blood pressure meds.

We finally have spring here on the Ridge. A gentle rain today, which means more flowers in Nora’s garden just off the deck. (I get a nice view of it from my office.) Gardens and Nora have always gotten along well. She touches stuff and it simply grows.

Her relationship with animals is similar. In just the past few days we’ve had a fox, deer, (our) armadillo, and raccoon … in our yard all near a window where Nora can watch. Or do they (except the armadillo) watch her? A great egret seems to favor the end of our ruined dock as a place to contemplate his kingdom.

Our dogs, Tybee and Bob, do watch Nora. I say the watching is excessive but I am voted down, even when I have THE BALL.

Bill Barnier, “Brother Bill,” (my stepbrother who, with wife and author Cyndi, also live on The Ridge), present Nora with roses from his garden. Pretty darn spectacular.

Thank you for all your prayers and support, your cards and letters and calls.

Paul

Rain and Nora at Boyd Creek
The front lawn needs
mowing  again. She is
resting. I will get to it.

We do not look forward to Wednesday because the next day is Thursday, chemo day. Taxol day. Understand, everyone at the Lewis Center is wonderful, caring. What a hell of a job. Think about it.

Back in the dawn of time, when I was at the University of Wisconsin, I had the pleasure of co-authoring and co-directing a stage and television production called, “A Gentle Smoke Signal,” for stage and television (the open scene was an atomic bomb test at Marshall Islands). Except for my co-author and I, the rest of the cast was Native American (Winnebago and Menominee). Among other great many things, I learned that an old custom was that if you had a bad day, say Thursday, one year, it was acceptable to discard it the next year and replace it with another day, like Friday. Nora and I now have two Fridays a week. (My personal week consists mostly of Wednesdays and is 23 days long.)

Nora does look forward to visits with Regina, who visits all the chemo patients every Thursday, offering cookies and sweets. A survivor, someone who sat in one of the overstuffed, comfortable chairs Nora sits in.

Nora is there Thursdays. Regina comes Thursdays. They talk, laugh. I have little faith in coincidence. I have great faith in Regina and my wife. How did that happen?

Nora may need another blood infusion. Taxol really takes its toll.

The chemo was tough on Nora this week.  Energy down but she fights it. Two (or more) cups of coffee each morning. She wakes up before dawn. It was one cup, unfinished, before all this. I make it a point to have coffee a button-push away the night before. I often need to make a second pot. After all, I am a writer.

Mother’s Day was good. Rebecca, Dustin and Aaron called. Sarah and Jeremy came for the weekend. A wonderful present.

Someone contacted me about a matching gift program for our medical expenses. I’ll work it out in the next few days and let everyone know. Such kindness. Actually, it is more than kindness. I am without words.

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. Keep writing to Nora on this blog. Say anything. She reads it. Her computer skills have improved significantly!

Paul

P.S. Here is a picture I have not shared with family (or friends). It was taken a few months before we moved from Hilton Head Island to The Ridge. We have the pleasure of dog-sitting Aaron’s “Buddy” and Sarah’s “Indy.” St. Francis, eat your heart out.

L to R: Nora (arrow), Buddy, Indy, Bob. Foreground, Tybee.

Dear family and friends,

Rainy weekend. Due to our nephew Cole and Betty Edmonson’s wedding in Charlotte Saturday, we had the pleasure of seeing son Aaron, up from Orlando, daughter Sarah and beau Jeremy, in from Hilton Head.  They met up at our house on The Ridge for a shared trip to the “Queen City.” We also inherited Aaron’s dog, Buddy the Drooler, for an overnighter.

Nora spent most of the time in her new chair, resting up. She was surrounded by a wall of dogs, laying in a semicircle around the foot of her chair, very attuned to her every move. All five of us enjoyed the Derby.

Nora’s heightened energy and appetite have worn off since the blood infusion two weeks ago, typical for chemo patients. Her numbers were lower last Thursday, also typical. Remember, the stuff they pump Due to the lowering of her immune system Nora can’t be around crowds. Our friend and neighbor into her each week is an indiscriminate killer, doing its job.

Melanie, asked me the other day if Nora was still in “lock down.” We laughed but sometimes it feels like that.

“Rush Hour,” Boyd Creek

We spend our time at home, me in the office and Nora walking the dogs, enjoying the spectacular view, and whizzing through her multiple computer games. I no longer tease her about her laptop. She remains something of a Luddite, but the geek in her also shows. We were given a slide show of Cole and Betty’s wedding in almost real time.

Thank you all so much for your encouragement, your help, your kind thoughts. Please let your friends know about Nora. She spent 25 years caring for gardens, then the owners of those gardens, then simply others, the oldest of us.

Paul

Dear family and friends,

I cannot believe most of April has vanished. Impossible. But it has been brighter on “the ridge” this past week. Part of that brightness was due a visit from Nora’s younger sister, Jayne. The other was a visit from Nora’s dad and wife, Hamp and Sunni. It was their first visit to “the ridge” and they approved.

Ostensibly Jayne’s visit was to cover for me while I did my stuff (interviews) at the Heritage (our PGA Tour event) at Harbour Town Golf Links in Sea Pines. (Just think, I used to ride my bike there…)

In reality, Jayne covered for me for Nora’s blood infusion on Friday, my busiest day at the course. Based on the results of her (now) weekly tests, she needed new blood.

And what a difference! the infusion made for Nora. She had been very tired and existing on liquids and soft stuff (apple sauce, pudding). The infusion (plus Jayne’s artfulness in the kitchen) created a Nora with an appetite! She consumed real food (fantastic chicken) and even had my famous pancakes (with fresh blueberries) Sunday morning. As both girls chomped down the breakfast I will admit I felt a certain pride. It was good.

Thanks to daughter Sarah (and Jeremy!), and the very kind folks at Drayer Physical Therapy Institute in Bluffton, SC (where Sarah works), plus proceeds from “Brackets for Breast Cancer” (THANK YOU), Nora got a new chair. Very, very cool. Thank you.

With the new blood, Nora is walking dogs, cleaning windows, eating real food, all things she couldn’t do a week before.

This is such a wonderful neighborhood. Melanie Reeder and Karen Palmer continue to walk the dogs while we head to Savannah and the Lewis Cancer Institute. As I understand it, Nora and Jayne had the whole place in stitches (a medical term) with cancer jokes and stories. Is there a future on the comedy club circuit?

You are all so kind. You are the best. Thank you. We have never expected this.

Paul

Dear family and friends.

The new cocktail began today, leaving Nora exhausted. We will have weekly visits to the Lewis Cancer Center through June. About half way through Nora will have a PET scan to show what’s happened with the tumors. You want to rush through all of this, but there is no rush, no silver bullet.

But maybe I’m wrong, in part. Nora is a silver bullet. The staff seemed to look forward to seeing her this morning. “Nora,” they said in welcome, “Nora.” She may not notice. I notice.

Nurses cannot play favorites. The place is humming with optimism for everyone there. And there are too many, to my sorrow. Some days it is extremely difficult to take. Me, the outsider. Women (mostly women) talking about hair loss, what to wear, the reality of mastectomy, survival. It is a place I never thought I’d be. And I surely never thought Nora would be. Our “plans” (slightly defined and awaiting firmer definition on “the ridge,” the neighborhood where we live) did not include this.

A moment for Regina. She comes to the center every two weeks. She is breast cancer survivor. She brings cookies and other sweets for those going through chemo. She volunteers her time. She brings stories of friends, family, her 90 year old mother in Florida. She shares photos on her iPhone. She might be a couple years senior to Nora, but they act like sisters, if a Southern belle and a New Yorker can be considered kin. They tease as the chemical drips into Nora. They are a team, making everyone laugh. Nora calls her “princess.” She is that.

Nora had a nice visit from our nephew Josh Burleson, beautiful wife Karina, and grand niece and nephew, on their way back from a North Carolina shindig for Cole Edmonson and future wife Betty. I was AWOL on their visit because of a much needed haircut. Vanity, vanity, all is vanity.

Working on Nora’s appetite. Very tricky. Bless the makers (again) for Ensure.

Nora thanks you for your prayers, your thoughts, your understanding. Nora is focused on wellness, on recovery, on getting on. As am I.

HEARTS

She rests a slight smile
on her lips, eyes closed
laptop open to hearts

In almost sleep she has
won her online game
against all odds

An attitude, a position
she stands by
double or nothing.

Keep Nora in your prayers, thoughts, and memories. She’s a tough cookie.

Paul

P.S. We wanted you to meet our newest “pet.” For now, he/she lives under our deck. The dogs do not like him/her.But what a creature!